Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
