I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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