I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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