we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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