i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fuck appropriateness.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
