So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
