it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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