I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
These tits shall not be calmed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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