I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
