Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
