I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
