I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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