paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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