you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
