I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
