I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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