Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
