There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your cock deserves a montage
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
