Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
is that a dick in a sweater?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
