This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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