honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
