I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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