Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
