Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
