I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize