Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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