I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You pole danced in your parka.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
