let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
