This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
