zippers are such a cool invention
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
