my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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