im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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