All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
