Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
