So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
