I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
