So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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