i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
