Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
