why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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