She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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