Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
