idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
