Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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