I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
