its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize