I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
