y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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