Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
