I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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