OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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