hotel room ftw
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
