i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
