No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
