If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
