I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My penis needs a shock collar
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
