I'm drive I can fine osifer
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
FUCK WHALES
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