I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize