Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
