Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
