Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
