thus making me awesome and them whores
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
