I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
where am i from again
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
