i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
