omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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