when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
