I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
