My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
