I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
